Unloading.

I can't sleep. I know in such a situation, about the dumbest thing you can do is turn on the laptop. Like that's going to help me sleep. But I don't know, I just need to write. Too. many. thoughts. in. my. head. All this not having time to guilt-free write/blog has done me no good. You could say there's a traffic jam of unwritten thoughts in my head and it prevents me from falling asleep. Wow. I sound like a lunatic, don't I? I may not actually publish this post. At least not now, cause then I would have published two blog posts in less than 24 hours and that would make me a real loser, right? :P But then again, you know what my latest prayer is? 

Make me bold. 

Make me inhibition free. 

Make me be okay with making a fool out of myself. 

Make me willing to jump without worrying about the falling. 

Because maybe I'll fall, but it won't kill me. 

I might get a little hurt but it'll teach me. 

And goodness know the thrill of the jumping part is so awesome! This is kind of what I wanted to write about that day... I was thinking about adventure sports like rappelling, or sky-diving, or bungee jumping and just how scary it is to stand on that edge, you know? When you're just a step away from sort of free-falling through the air. It's scary as hell but there are safety measures. Holding on to you. And you can jump and it'll be awesome! 

You won't let me fall.

You won't drop me.

You'll never let me down.

So yeah, maybe I will publish this then :P

So while I'm at it, I guess I'll say this too... Something that's been running through my head for the past couple of days and has been the cause of much anger in me. 

This IPL scandal. I know, I'm so not the person to be talking about this because:

a) I don't follow the IPL

b) I don't fully understand the situation and my view is very simplistic

(I'm not even going to try and explain it. If you're interested, google it!)

But a couple of days ago, I bothered to read a little beyond the headlines and read up a little on the whole thing and I was just so disturbed. To be honest, I haven't exactly liked this whole IPL business right from the beginning. To me the whole thing was sort of murky. I have nothing against the sports part of it, I wish it was really all about the sports. But I was scared to even imagine the kind of politics, sleaze and money behind it. So when this controversy started playing out in the headlines every single day, I wasn't really surprised. 

I guess all I'll say is that it makes me angry. When you think about the state of a whole chunk of the population in India who live below the poverty line and how those numbers keep adding up... and instead of worrying about that, and doing something about that, we're all caught up in things like this. 

Rs. 1170 crores is the apparent total revenue of the IPL in 2010. 

While at the other end of the spectrum there's:

Rs. 17 which is what a person who lives below the poverty line in India survives on. And there are 300 million people who have just that much. And that figure's not even accurate, I'm sure. And how can you count Rs. 17 as the cut-off mark, anyway? It should be $2 actually. Which is around Rs. 90 which takes up the total number of poor people to a staggering 800 million out of our total population of 1.1 billion.*

I know, it's all a business and there will always be these unfair dealings in the world. This skewed sense of... life. I think I've sort of come to terms with that. I'm wary of becoming complacent about it... it's one of my biggest fears. That I'll stop caring that there is this kind of injustice in the world. But anyway, that's not the main thing that makes me angry in this case. Make your money, keep your damn money. What makes me angry is that even after that there are so many lies, so much politics, so much corruption, so much swindling, so much murk that's it's pretty much impossible to know who is telling the truth or if there's anyone at all who doesn't have vested interests somewhere? I mean, is there no limit?

*Figures from Samar Halarnkar's column in the Hindustan Times, April 22nd, 2010