I wish I had something interesting to post. Really. But I have nothing. Zilch. I feel like I'm boxed in and I'm trying very very hard to look for joy in the small things but drawing a blank. I don't like this me. I don't like this me at all. I like the me that is delighted in the small things. So I'm going to try...
Nope. Seriously... drawing a blank.
But I know I have a lot to be thankful for and this is going to pass! I know, I've written like a million exams all my life. But somehow this is so different. The endlessly long days. The weather. Homesickness. Uncertainty. Closure.
Somehow, "it's a beautiful world" is a phrase that's so hard to see right now.
But I am thankful. For the first time in my life, bureaucracy has let me off without putting up a fuss!! :P We went to college today to collect our "hall tickets" and find out our exam centres. I was literally waiting for something to go wrong. I'm not usually a pessimist but I'm telling you, bureaucracy freaking hates me and invariably they always make some blunder with me. But everything went pretty smoothly and I have my hall ticket! My centre (Wilson College) and even my train pass. My last train pass. Came home, exhausted because the heat... oh my gosh, it really sucks the energy out of you!! It's hard to describe and I don't know how life outside is still even going on. How can anybody have the motivation to do anything at all in this weather?! Slept off my headache and trying to plow on with the studying...
I'm going to get through this. I'm not going to let the fire burn out.
And I will soar on wings like eagles.
5 days till the exams start.
Way to keep it real. Really. I kind of feel the same way (well totally different really) but "the little things in life"-- yeah I'm drawing a blank too. I'm losing my mind, and I mean this in the most literal sense.
ReplyDeleteToday I had to restrain myself, in a very real and frightening way, from jumping up from my seat in class and shouting, "THIS IS SO ASININE"
Could your situation be in part due to being forced (subtly, socially) to substitute what really impassions you for an obviously flawed and bogus educational system? Wow, I'm pretty charged about this. Maybe I need to take a closer look at why. And maybe I'm transposing my feelings onto you. Then again maybe not. ??
Anyway, my original point: Way to keep it real. If you never tell about the lousy times, how can the good times mean anything?
Tina! My beloved Marcus Flutie once said, "Everything is a phase. Some are just longer than the others."
ReplyDeleteThis too shall pass. Hang in there.
@Aj: Hmmm, well. I don't hate it that much :P But there's definitely room for improvement!
ReplyDelete